Cycles

I am sick of being in a pepetual cycle of guilt. It is never ending. It goes family -> Work -> university -> family etc. Nothing is ever in balance in my life. Well not when I'm at home anyway.

There is so much unspoken things. I want to tell my family that Christmas I won't be at home and that next year Myles and I will be moving in together. But they always overreact. And it'll always be about money. If it were up to them I would never move out, but they would hold it over me and guilt me majorly. They are good like that.

Why is everything about money? To my parents money comes before happiness. Well, money can burn in hell. I hate the stuff. Having more money isn't going to bring me out of love with my boyfriend. Its funny how they haven't put my sister's boyfriend through the paces like they put mine. Its cause he's studying at university and he comes from money and property. I swear sometimes my parents a from industrial London, trying desperately to marry off their daughters into the emerging Upper-middle and aristocratic classes.

Love is love. They never tell me that they love me. For them its all tough love. I don't do tough love. They keep saying that I need to adjust to them. Five people won't change for me, I have to change for them. Well they have warped and crushed me to fit with them to the point where I don't know who I am anymore. Where does the passions of me and the passions of my mother start?

I'm not their parrot anymore. I am living my life for me now. I know this makes them extremely unhappy, mainly cause I want love, not money in my life. But so what. I'm not going to give into their games anymore. The cycle ends here.